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Shorter and Shorter

Lately, the phone calls I’ve been having with my significant other have been getting shorter and shorter.

I wish I had an answer as to why.  But I can literally go back and track the times.  From 39 minutes to 14 minutes to 12 minutes to 10 minutes to 2 minutes.

I’m not sure it necessarily means anything, as sometimes we have long conversations, and sometimes we don’t.  But it definitely doesn’t feel like they are filled with substance.

Is this the end?

Not sure.  Maybe.

I wish I could just know.

Is there a magic 8-ball that you can ask that question to?  Even if the answer came up, “All signs point to yes,” at least I’d know.

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Finishing Last

I am a nice person.

After failed relationships, and seeing what I’ve been processing over the last few months…no, really the last year…it has become acutely apparent that I am a good, nice person.  I will take care of someone.  And I will love unconditionally.

Yet, why do I go for the people who don’t seem to value me?

That’s a question for a therapist, I’m sure.  Who knows.

But if positive thinking is supposed to work (isn’t that what The Secret is based entirely around) then this is what I am putting out in the universe:

I want someone who wants me for me.
I want someone who loves me for me.
I want someone who makes me laugh.
I want someone who knows that even after we have a misunderstanding, that it doesn’t mean I hate them.
I want someone who appreciates my sense of humor.
I want someone who is happy to see me in the morning when we wake up, and is grateful to kiss me goodnight before we go to sleep.
I want someone who doesn’t mind if I ask a question or two, to understand a situation before making any sort of judgment call on it.
I want someone who can get along in a social setting.
I want someone who wants to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with them.
I want someone who has dreams, and is working to achieve them, but understands that sometimes life gets in the way.
I want someone who is not afraid to be daring.
I want someone who will communicate.
I want someone who can see that I would do anything on this earth for them because I love them.
This is the beginning of a very detailed list.  I don’t know.  Maybe this is the stuff of fairy tales and romantic movies.  Or maybe this could be my life.

But I have a lot to offer someone…and someday, someone will see that.  And if not, well, I suppose I can be a crazy cat lady.  Though that requires gender reassignment surgery.  And a heck of a lot more cats.

I am a nice guy.  And it’s true.  We do finish last.  It’s always this last leg of the race that is the hardest.  And yet, I keep slogging on.