I’m just returning from two days at Disney World. A little vacation. It was lovely, as I got to spend time with my boyfriend and we had a great time. But a couple of observations about my trip:
- Flying standby is stressful. I mean it’s actually a lot like gambling. You roll the dice and hopefully are lucky enough to get on the plane. We were lucky both times. But it was very very close.
- We were upgraded at Disney to a suite. It was awesome. Thank you Disney!
- The magic seems to be gone. Once upon a Time, there were characters walking around and spreading magic unexpectedly/. Now, everything feels so regimented and organized, there don’t seem to be any unexpected surprises. Meeting Mickey Mouse on Main Street? No. Peter Pan in Fantasyland just hanging out? Uh-uh. I. Get why they have to cordon off the characters but it just feels so…empty.
- It feels as though the world loses their brain when in a theme park environment. Like suddenly manners and grace go out the window.
- This next point is tied in and I may get some hate mail for this thought … But it seems as though you need to wear steel-toes boots when at the park. Not because children are running over your feet, which they do, but for all the rascals and scooters that permeate the park. Yes. The ones that children are in too. Maybe I’m a grumpy old man, but just because you’re driving a vehicle that is supposed to aid you doesn’t mean you have to be so completely rude and inconsiderate. I always say excuse me and thank you when passing someone. And I’m highly aware of my surroundings when walking forward. But if you’re traveling in a scooter from behind and you are approaching me three times as fast as I’m walking, perhaps a kind excuse me or some sort of warning could be sounded. A bell? A nice horn? Something? It’s crowded and I will gladly get out of your way. However I don’t have eyes in the back of my head and I cannot see you behind me. So don’t hit me. And while we are at it, if your child is “too exhausted” to walk the length of the park, mayb they shouldn’t be pushed in a stroller eating hot dogs, chips and ice cream. Those kids didn’t get fat on their own. Figure it out. Same goes for the Rascal Flatts crowd. No one is fooled by your disability in a scooter when you’re eating three hot dogs. Yesx that happened. Yes you have diabetes. Walk and rest on a bench instead of thinking the sidewalks are your own personal autobahn.
- When I see magical moments, I still get a little teary-eyed. The mirror in Belle’s Cottage was amazing. And the little boy dancing with her was awesome.
- Looking forward to going back but two days is just simply not enough.
- The new FastPass+ system is pretty cool. I was apprehensive of it at first but really enjoyed the experience overall.
That’s all for now.
1. I just finished opening weekend with some fantastic kids at Enumclaw High School, performing in their production of “The Diviners.” The role I’m playing is CC Showers. They are great to work with. It has been a lot of fun to serve as their guest artist. Only three more shows of this production left.
2. After said weekend, I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
3. I got a little misty last night at Cinderella’s transformation sequence in Disney’s, “Cinderella.” I’ve seen that sequence a thousand times, but it was magical. I forgot how charming that little film was.
4. I could use a vacation. An all-expense paid vacation to either sit on a beach somewhere and drink Mai Tais or to perhaps even the Magic Kingdom itself. Any volunteers want to help this nice guy out and foot the bill? My current job doesn’t offer any vacation, and so the idea of even taking one is remote. I’m working myself to the bone.
5. I’m looking for a new job here in Seattle. I’m smart, funny, nice, talented, and I will work for a company that values their employees. But I do NOT want to do sales. I simply hate sales. I don’t have that killer instinct. Something that still allows me to do theatre. 🙂 Any thoughts? 🙂
6. There was snow on the hills as I was driving to Enumclaw. It was beautiful. A small dusting, but something that was perfect. The leaves were changing still, and yet the winter was coming. It was like something out of a fantasy movie, where the two worlds meet, and it’s obvious. It was absolutely amazing.
7. I got a ticket. 😦 My fault. I was going too fast in an unfamiliar area. Though to be fair, 55 to 35 in one second is rude, City of Buckley. But I will pay my ticket. And be that much poorer about it.
8. I’m ready for Christmas. I love it. And I can’t wait to start listening to the music.
9. I need a bedside table. If I were handy enough with wood working tools, I would build one. But that would be a disaster for all involved, and so I shall not even attempt it. That’s what stores are for.
10. Please see number 4.
Since this is my blog, I can do whatever I want. Yay for freedom!
And I thought I would share some of my favorite photos that I’ve taken. All of these photos are taken by me. This is the first time I’ve shared any of my pictures on here, or even tried to upload them. It’s still new..but thought I would share them.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional photographer. I know nothing about composition, lighting, or any of that stuff. Just someone with a camera who likes taking pictures, and getting incredibly lucky sometimes. Sometimes not.
Now, with that out of the way, here we go! Thanks in advance, if you look through them.
This post comes after a conversation I had with a friend.
We were sitting on my balcony, overlooking the water. It’s not really that fancy. There are a bunch of trees in the way. Still, it is relaxing.
As we sat there, talking, the question came up again of what to do, where to go, this journey, this life that we lead. Both of us find that being in our mid-30’s, we’re facing a crisis of what do we do with our lives.
Both of us had dreamed of being on the stage…but life sometimes gets in the way in major ways. I don’t know if that means persevering, or what, but when major life events happen, you start to look at things and wonder is this really worth it anymore. The pounding the pavement, and hoping for that one big break.
All of this was circulating around the idea that I feel something monumental is coming in my life, yet…I don’t know what that could be. I feel stuck in a job I hate. She asked me what my dream job would be, and I said, “Working for Disney.” Unfortunately, that means I either need to become a software engineer (not smart enough) or move to California to work the loading zone for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Since I hate California, I predict that is not going to happen anytime soon. BUT, as the song says, “A dream is a wish your heart makes.”
So, what does this have to do with anything? I’m glad you asked. I’ll do my best to sort out whatever is going on in my head and see if it makes any sense.
I had a dream that I was going to die when I turned 35. This was a while ago. But my life had been planned up to that point…and frankly, nothing beyond. There was no 10-year plan or 20-year plan. It was simply somehow, I was going to be dead at 35.
I’m still alive, obviously. I’m not a zombie, and typing this on my quest for brains. That hasn’t happened. But yet, I do feel as though part of me is dead.
There used to be a joie de vivre, a sense of life, adventure, experience. But that seems to have gone. Remember that major life event I mentioned earlier? It happened to me about five years ago, when I turned 30, and since then, there have been major hopes and lows, as I felt like someone had picked me up, and thrown me in the ocean and said, “Find shore.” I didn’t know which way shore was, and so I tread water for months. In the timeline of events, this was what I called survival mode.
Sure, I may have come out of it stronger, smarter, faster, experienced, whatever, but it took a lot out of me. And still continues to take a lot out of me.
There are times when I’m engaged, as I used to be, but those moments are few and far between.
It’s not depression. I know it’s not that.
It’s feeling like, what is the next step? What is the ultimate end goal? And even though I can’t see what that end goal is, why am I so hesitant to move forward, to set in motion a chain of events that may lead to something bigger and greater?
Fear holds me back, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of unhappiness, fear of still meandering through whatever this is, this process, this life.
I turned 35. I’m now six months into it, and I still don’t know what the next step is.
That’s hard. To wake up and spend my day trying to figure out who or what I am, trying to reinvent myself, yet, not knowing how to even begin. Struggling to make ends meet and feeling like I can never get ahead…and by the time I’m finished with my responsibilities, there isn’t even time for myself to begin contemplating that next step.
So, I cautiously wait out the days.
In a sense, I have died. The dream…which was just a dream… seems to have come true.
But I feel like there’s so much more to accomplish, so much more to strive for, to change the world, to give back, to create, to express my ways that only I can do.
The original title of this post was “The Emperor’s Wearing No Clothes,” and as I got to writing, I realized it wasn’t quite where this was post was going to go. It was simply the cover for what has lied underneath for a while, and seems to bubble up to the surface every waking hour of every day. And that starts to feel more and more excruciating as I figure out how to fill those days.
I guess if you’re still reading here, you’ve followed what I’ve had to say, and maybe have had a strong reaction to it. “Grow some balls,” or, “Yes! I feel that way too.” Or maybe you’re completely indifferent to it.
I’m slowly become that way about the whole situation.
But there’s the rub. If I am indifferent, it means there is still fight within me, fight to do something, to BE something. To go forward and give good to the world, wherever, however I can.
That’s the part I have to figure out. It’s simply not enough to want it.
It’s 9:32…only three and a half more hours left of whatever today has been.
Thank you for reading.