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Worst American Ever

I have a confession to make.  And in doing so, I admit that I may receive some grief about it.  But it has to be said.  It just has to.  It’s time to come out of the closet and say what I need to say.

No, not that.  You already know that.  Sheesh.  No need to hide my rainbow-flag-flying self.

What I am admitting is that I did not watch a single event of the summer Olympics.  NOT.  ONE.  SINGLE.  EVENT. Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.

Now, before you go brandishing your Olympic torches at me, and tell me to defect to another country where they don’t care about the Olympics, and all of that, give me a chance to explain.  Please!  For the love of all things holy, let me plead my case.

I did not watch the Olympics because of the following reasons:

  • I do not have access to regular TV.  I suppose I could have streamed them, but that would have taken a lot of effort.
  • The summer Olympics are not that exciting.  And besides, if I wanted to see guys in speedos, I could find other places without having to wait through a bunch of  sporting events.
  • Sports.  They’re not my thing.  Growing up, my dad used to watch football on TV.  **Yawn**.  No thanks.  I have been to several sporting events, and enjoy the experience, the roar of the crowd…but really, I was much more interested in the cheerleaders and their dance routines, so I could figure out what they were going to do and then borrow it for my own production in my backyard.
  • I just don’t care about sports.

I don’t.  I never have.  Now, not all sports.  I love figure skating (gay) in the winter, and will watch that when I get a chance.  But it just feels like so much money is put into the games, focusing on athletes whose careers are over by the time they’re 20.

Honestly, it makes me feel like we’re in high school all over again.  Where sports reigns supreme, and the theatre nerds like myself, are shoved off to the side.

I get that it’s a chance for the nations to come together and all of that.  But it just doesn’t hold any sway for me.  Maybe I’m weird.  I don’t know.

I am not begrudging any of the Olympic athletes.  I think they are absolutely phenomenal at what they do.  I wouldn’t even begin to do what they do.  They are amazing.  I could go on for paragraphs about their athleticism, their dedication, and all of that.  I respect them, absolutely.  It takes balls to do what they do, time and time again.

But I don’t care.  I am sure most of them are very nice people, but I feel like they would rather punch me in the face.  And I don’t like that feeling one bit.

I know, I know.  Time to let it go.  And I will.  At least until the winter Olympics, when I can settle in and enjoy my figure skating.

I suppose I should turn in my American citizenry.  I’ll write to you from my new home in Kiribati.